Text from my sacrament meeting talk given on 11/29/15
We live in a world in which we will experience challenges to our faith. When doubts come, they bring feelings of darkness, confusion, loneliness and even despair. Some say that doubt is the opposite of faith. However, through my experiences, I’ve learned instead that doubt can be a catalyst to increase your faith if you choose. How is this possible?
As a few of you know, we have recently brought two beautiful pet birds into our home. They are fascinating animals, and it has been fun watching them fly around our house. Adrian once asked me how our birds are able to fly. I told him that we essentially live on the bottom of an “ocean of air” in Earth’s atmosphere, and all that air exerts a force that pushes down on everyone, called air pressure. The curvature of the tops of bird’s wings makes air travel faster over the top than the bottom. The difference in air speeds between the top and the bottom of the wings mean that the top of the wings is experiencing a lower air pressure than the bottom, too, so the greater air pressure from below pushes up on the birds wings. So, that same atmosphere that exerts air pressure and resistance also creates lift; they don’t work without each other. You’d think it was the opposite, but, in order for birds to fly, they need resistance. I believe it’s possible for faith and doubt to work together in a similar way. When the pressure and resistance of life push us down, we have a choice. We can stay on the ground and let them keep us down, or we can be like a bird and use them to push us heavenward.
When I was going through the most spiritual dark time in my life, some told me that I just needed to choose to believe. A few asked if I had done something wrong to bring about this darkness. Although well-meaning, these words frustrated me. I had not sought this darkness out. I wanted desperately to have the reassurance of a greater purpose that goes beyond this life and to know Heavenly Father was really there. However, I could no more believe in God and the gospel at that point, than I could simply choose to believe in fairy tales. There wasn’t a switch in my brain that I could flip to turn my faith and testimony "on".
However, eventually, I did come to discover how one could choose faith in a doable way. While I couldn’t choose sincere belief at that point, I could choose my actions. For example, I could choose to continue sincerely praying despite how I was feeling. I could choose to just have the desire to believe. I could choose to serve others within and without the church to fulfill my calling to my best ability. I could choose to fast and read my scriptures more frequently. I decided that I would put in my best effort, because I truly wanted to know the truth. Answers and clarity did not come right away. For me, the darkness persisted for awhile. However, one night I received my answer. Heavenly Father was really there, and He had communicated with me. He loved me. Looking back, I believe that the time I had to work and wait for this answer helped me appreciate the light more when it ultimately came.
Storm in the Mountains - Albert Bierstadt
Hugh B. Brown once wrote:
“I should tell you that I, too, have had periods of perplexity, uncertainty, and doubt; that I, too, have known the darkness, fogginess, and chill of the valley which lies between illuminated peaks of faith and confidence, and that only the memory of the hilltops along the road over which I have come, coupled with the somewhat misty vision of others still ahead, has given me the courage to plod on when I was tempted […] to wrap myself in the comfortless blanket of doubt and self-commiseration and just quit […] But this I can say positively, that each peak which I have climbed has seemed higher and more inspiring than the last, due at least in part, I think, to the dark background of the valley through which I came. Sharp contrasts are sometimes most revealing."
Don't misunderstand, I am not saying that anyone should be purposely seeking out reasons to
question any more than someone should seek out illness to better appreciate being healthy, these challenges seem to come enough on their own. I am saying that I've noticed that when I do become ill, that I am much more grateful for health when it returns. I appreciate the power that runs my home much
more after a prolonged outage. How much more joyful is a reunion with
those we love, than when there has been a difficult separation? I know
that the answer I received during my darkest time, is the one that I
treasure most, in part, because I was so grateful for it; it gleamed
brighter in contrast to the darkness.
Remember to be patient with those you know who are struggling because trying to make faithful choices and actions were much, much more difficult and painful to do during the time when answers weren’t coming, and when I didn’t have much hope that a lot of what I was doing wasn’t in vain. So one may ask: If someone is already struggling, why make things harder on ourselves? Why not wait to do all these things until after the answers come?
While acts of faith are always important, they are especially so during times when our faith is challenged, as these times hold great potential for growth, and can reveal strength and strong character that we may not have even known we possessed. Revelation depends on the condition and intent of our hearts. We have to put the effort in first to receive answers, not the other way around.
Think of two students taking a test in two different classrooms with a similar dilemma. Imagine that they both have the opportunity to cheat by looking at over at the smartest student’s answers which are in clear view, but neither one does. The first student sees that the teacher is watching her and she knows she’d get caught, and thus doesn’t really contemplate the choice to cheat. The second student, however sees that her teacher left the room for a time. This student wrestles with the choice, but ultimately decides she won’t cheat because she she values honestly and had committed to getting through school on her own merits. Which student had the more difficult choice? Which student had the greater opportunity for growth?
This example illustrates why I believe we had to be separated from our Heavenly Father and experience mortality. Here, we “operate in the grey area between conviction and [doubt, and] are in a position to choose most meaningfully, and with most meaningful consequences.” “[We] act under […] conditions, which can allow us [to choose] who we are, what we most love, and what we most devoutly desire. Without constraint, without any form of mental compulsion, [our choices are] the freest possible projection of what resides in [our] hearts. [Great growth] occurs when we choose what we will [do], in that space of freedom that exists between knowing that a thing is, and knowing that a thing is not.” (Terryl L. Givens)
That separation between ourselves and God widens further during our mortal lives when spiritual challenges come our way.
“C. S. Lewis wrote that “sooner or later [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from [our] conscious experience, all [our] supports and incentives. He leaves [us] to stand up on [our] own legs. . . . It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that [we are] growing into the sort of creature He wants [us] to be.” This can be a wrenching process of spiritual abandonment such as Eve and Adam felt in their expulsion from God’s presence, or we all must have felt upon leaving of our premortal estate. Perhaps many of us will never find God by calling out His name at the entrance to the cave; we must enter [the darkness]” (Terryl L. Givens)
So what do we do when we find ourselves in spiritual darkness? How can we take action to let the light back in? Acting on faith during these times is the key to opening the door to personal revelation. There are five specific steps that can be taken:
1. Keep a sincere desire to know Heavenly Father’s will in your heart. Sincerity is key. Even if you can do no more than to want to want to know, that is a good place to start. This desire is very important. Remember that Laman and Lemuel saw an angel, but it did not convert them because they didn’t have that desire, they didn’t want their hearts to change. In a short time they went back to being violent and oppositional. Contrast this with Alma the Younger who also had an angel visit him. Yet, this is how he later describes his conversion:
“Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety ? Behold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself.”
Although the heavenly visitation was an important part of his experience, he too ultimately had to make a choice to put in the work, to fast and pray, in order to gain a heartfelt conversion. Heavenly Father can’t make this choice for us, it is always in our hands.
2. Prayer. Just like Alma, we need to keep the communication lines open with Heavenly Father with sincere prayer and fasting. Perhaps even pray and fast more frequently than you have before. It may not come as quickly or in the format you desire, but the answer will come, don’t give up! Although it didn’t feel like it while I was waiting, looking back, the timing of my answers was right for me.
Again, Hugh B. Brown wrote:
“At times I have had to take myself in hand and command my knees to bend, my head to bow, my spirit to become contrite. But of this I bear witness, that I have beheld more distant vistas when on my knees than when standing upright. Somehow the bending of the knee has seemed to open the shutters of the soul and to bring the lens of faith into focus.
Many more before you and I have wondered if praying were not merely a soliloquy and its only answer the echo of its sound. On the other hand, however, prayer has been a vital principle–the central faith of millions of noble men and women. The fact that it has been an age-long rapture certainly attests its value–it endures. It’s faithfully recurrent like the sunrise. It’s not a private vagary nor is it mere wishful thinking or rationalizations. I have come through my own experiences with the conviction that prayer is comradeship with God; indeed, I doubt if I could have endured some recent experiences if I had not had that refuge.”
3. Make reading and listening to the word of God a regular habit. Seek the words of Heavenly Father by increasing your study of the scriptures, and listening to inspired talks in General Conference and in our weekly meetings.
I’ve found that spiritual guidance sometimes come through these avenues. I received an answer to a prayer this way during a time when I struggled with a few passages in the Bible. I was prompted to read a section of a specific talk by Elder Richard G. Scott, in which he said:
“The scriptures give eloquent confirmation of how truth, consistently lived, opens the door to inspiration to know what to do and, where needed, to have personal capacities enhanced by divine power. The scriptures depict how an individual’s capacity to conquer difficulty, doubt, and seemingly insurmountable challenges is strengthened by the Lord in time of need. As you ponder such examples, there will come a quiet confirmation through the Holy Spirit that their experiences are true. You will come to know that similar help is available to you.”
4. Take Action. Make service to others a priority within and without the church. Fulfill church duties: like visiting/home teaching, meeting attendance, and if you have a calling, do your best to accomplish what is needed of you. Pay your tithing. I know that these can be difficult things to accomplish, even when we are not struggling. So, I can’t tell you how much I admire those who make the courageous effort to come to church even when it is difficult for them to do so. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ see the sacrifices you make; He loves you. Christ knows and understands your feelings. Elder Holland taught:
“For [Christ’s] Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone. […] But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.” Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness, and despair. ”
Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane - Arkhip Kuindzhi
5. Keep a journal of your spiritual experiences. When you receive answers and clarity make sure to record them in a special place.
Richard G. Scott wrote:
“When it is for the Lord’s purposes, He can bring anything to our remembrance. [However,] That should not weaken our determination to record impressions of the Spirit. Inspiration carefully recorded shows God that His communications are sacred to us. Recording will also enhance our ability to recall revelation. Such recording of direction of the Spirit should be protected from loss or intrusion by others.”
When I waiver, I have found a lot of comfort reading through my journal where I keep my experiences. Alma once asked in a sermon: “And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?” I know I have found that it’s easy, sadly, to become complacent. Even those who have had undeniable spiritual experiences are likely to be faced with hard times again in the future. Keeping a record of our impressions of the spirit will help us remember the light more vividly when we need it.
It is hard enough to go through periods of darkness and doubt ourselves, but to watch a loved one do so can be even more difficult. As much as I would love to be sitting here in church with my dear husband every week, I know that I have to patiently wait for him to make that choice. This is not at all to say that I don’t love and admire him greatly. In the absence of his belief that a deity is watching him, his principled moral choices reveal his strong character and his good heart shines. Yet, my heart aches for him to have the hope that a greater purpose brings, to know that there is more beyond this life. But, we can’t choose faith for those we love. I imagine that Heavenly Father feels the same anxiety about us. He wants us to attain our potential and to come to Him, however he can't make our choices for us because it won’t work if it doesn’t come from within.
So, if you are watching a loved one struggle with their doubts, be patient with them. Pray for them and most of all, rather than lecture them, show them your love and continue with your faithful example. Take hope, and remember that doubt can be sanctifying and resistance is necessary in our flight back to our creator.
I want to thank so many of you who are examples to me, and I appreciate how much you help me keep the spiritual light bright in my life. I bear witness that if you are facing times of darkness, that Heavenly Father understands your struggles. And if you turn to Him, He will hear you, and comfort and answers will come. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
"Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by
their moral choices. When a neurotic who has a pathological horror of
cats forces himself to pick up a cat for some good reason, it is quite
possible that in God's eyes he has shown more courage than a healthy man
may have shown in winning the V.C. When a man who has been perverted
from his youth and taught that cruelty is the right thing does dome tiny
little kindness, or refrains from some cruelty he might have committed,
and thereby, perhaps, risks being sneered at by his companions, he may,
in God's eyes, be doing more than you and I would do if we gave up life
itself for a friend.
It is as well to put this the other way round. Some of us who seem quite
nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and
good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as
fiends. Can we be quite certain how we should have behaved if we had
been saddled with the psychological outfit, and then with the bad
upbringing, and then with the power, say, of Himmler? That is why
Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's
choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the
raw material at all, but on what he has done with it. Most of the man's
psychological makeup is probably due to his body: when his body dies all
that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose,
that made the best or worst out of this material, will stand naked. All
sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really
due to a good digestion, will fall off some of us: all sorts of nasty
things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others.
We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was. There
will be surprises." - C.S. Lewis
“The pessimist resembles a man who observes with
fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a
sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the
person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who
removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and
carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a
few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all
the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already
lived to the fullest. What will it matter to him if he notices that he
is growing old? Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees,
or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a
young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future
which is in store for him?
No, thank you,' he will think.
'Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the
reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely
suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud,
although these are things which cannot inspire envy.' " - Viktor E. Frankl
The Danish Artist Bertha Wegmann Painting a Portrait - Jeanna Bauck
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD
The text of a talk/sermon I gave in December 2014:
What is the role of the Savior?
Around age 5, children typically stop scribbling, and start to use symbols for images they want to draw. Thus when a child draws a picture of a tree, they may draw every tree with the same basic lollipop shape, and they will draw every tree this way. The sun is often represented by a yellow circle with lines radiating outwards, and they will draw the sun like this every time. The symbol for human faces are “smiley faces” and everyone in their family will get the same “smiley face” as a representation of their faces.
As children mature they begin to feel limited in drawing using symbolism. They realize that their representation for a tree doesn't look like the real thing, and isn’t flexible enough to represent the wide variety of shapes that trees come in. At this new stage, which begins at around nine or ten years old, the child will lend greater importance to whether their drawing looks realistic. This is a frustrating time, as their aspirations begin to outstrip their knowledge and skills. Some children give up on drawing at all during this stage. If formal training of some kind isn’t pursued at some point, they’ll likely remain stagnant or stuck in the “symbolism” stage in their artistic development throughout their adult lives.
So, if there are two things that I tell my art students the most: it’s that they’ll need to 1) stop using symbolism as a crutch, and 2) to get used to making lots of mistakes. These two things are essential to learning and improving as artists. Many people young and old, are afraid to move past the symbolism stage because it’s a safe place to stay. If the goal is to draw stick figures, it is easy to achieve, and no one will question what is being represented. If they move out of this comfort zone, they fear the dissatisfaction that comes from seeing that the art that they create isn’t likely to live up to the beautiful vision they have in their minds. There’s a gap between their current capabilities and how good they want to eventually become, and they may not be willing to bridge that gap because it will involve making lot of amateur art, making lots of mistakes, and frustration.
Being an artist also requires a certain adeptness in embracing uncertainty. Watercolors are highly transparent and prone to mishaps, it will bloom in unpredictable ways that, depending on the artist's luck and creativity, can be a benefit or a burden. Paper will begin to buckle from moisture, and the paints will begin to pool in places you don’t want it to. Acrylic paints like to drip where they shouldn’t, and oils dry very slowly, so patience is required if you don’t want all of the colors in your painting mixing together, ending up like the hue of mud.
Self Portrait - Van Gogh
Many, like myself, have decided to continue to learn and practice art despite all the frustrations involved. We do so because we know that the skills we’ll acquire in the end will be worth it. But we find that for many years, even decades, what we’re creating still isn’t living up to the potential we are working towards. It’s incredibly difficult to look at your artwork, something you’ve put so much work into — and you know that although it’s getting better, that it still falls short, it doesn’t yet have the special thing that we wanted it to have. Yet, a truly dedicated person moves forward anyway, knowing that the practice is helping them to improve, to move one step closer towards where they want to end up. Because there is no other way, it’s only by wading through the unpredictability, making mistakes and by going through a huge volume of work that you are actually going to close that gap between your current skill level and your ambitions. It takes a long time — it’s normal to take years and years. You just have to push your way through that, the gap will become more and more narrow, until one day you will realize that you are capable of creating true masterpieces. I often imagine what a wonderful day that will be.
The same principles hold true for our mortal lives. Heavenly Father knew that it is only through seeking, navigating uncertainty, and blundering though life, that we truly learn, grow and improve.
I wish there was an easier way, I wish I could tell my art students that there was an easier way, and I imagine that Heavenly probably also wishes the same, but He knows that this is the only way that we attain the potential He knows we have. A potential that is even greater than we can imagine for ourselves. C.S. Lewis puts it this way:
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to?
The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.”
Another important concept I stress to my art students over and over is
the importance of sketching prior to putting down any definite strokes
that can’t be erased. Sketches are "preparatory drawings”, and involve
putting down imperfect, unsure, imprecise lines as a way of eventually
finding where the lines should actually be placed. Students will never
figure out the correct placement of their lines without first putting
down many, many marks in the wrong places. It’s impossible for a student
and unlikely for even a trained artist to put those lines down in the
exact right place the first try. During this process, a good, clean
eraser is invaluable. This allows the student to remove the errant
marks, allowing only the lines in the right place to remain, thus
revealing a proportionally correct, beautiful, drawing in the end.
Again, Heavenly Father knows that we need to be able to seek and stumble through life to find the best path to reach our potential. However, there is a problem. In Isaiah chapter 6, Isaiah described how a vision of the the Lord in the temple overwhelmed him with a sense of his own wretchedness. The knowledge of our sins make it so we won’t be able to stand to be in the presence of God again. Yet Heavenly Father wants us to return to him, where we will be happy. We needed a way to avoid the stagnation of our growth, to make mistakes, but also to erase them. He needed a way to provide us with guidance, with an example but without impeding on our need for agency in order to grow. I would be a terrible art teacher if I withheld important tools like erasers, or expected my students to wade through the frustration and unpredictability of learning to draw and paint without guidance and instruction. God does not leave without these tools, either.
We need a mediator between us and God - someone who could descend to Earth and remain a perfect example and guide, yet remain pure enough to forgive sins and stand in God’s presence as our mediator. Someone who would be capable of experiencing all of our pains, sicknesses and heartaches so that as our mediator, he could be truly empathetic to our plights.
Alma taught: “He will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12)
This would be an extremely difficult job, impossible for you or I. I imagine that only something as powerful as a pure, eternal love would compel anyone volunteer for that role. So, it was this ultimate love that Christ had for us when He volunteered, saying: “Here am I, send me.” Even stronger still must Heavenly Father’s love have been for us to allow His own son to volunteer for such a position. I don’t know of a stronger love in existence than a parent’s for their child.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
This gift to us from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ was the first and greatest gift that has ever been given to us. What do you do to feel close to him?
So how do we take full advantage of this gift? What’s the best way to receive and apply Christ’s guidance to our lives today? Harder still, how do we become close to Heavenly Father and His son if we’re not sure if they’re there or if He’ll answer us?
First, begin where you are. It doesn’t matter where that is in relation to anyone else. Just the fact that you have decided to seek guidance will open the door to His light. This process works best when we are the ones initiating it.
If I had an art student who didn’t want to progress past the symbolism stage, I am helpless in assisting them to progress. My grandmother was determined to continue drinking far too much no matter how much evidence we showed her that it was harmful. She wouldn’t stop until she wanted to, only then did the evidence start to mean anything to her, only then did my mother’s pleas to stop, cease annoying her and started to show to her how much my mother cared about her. Laman and Lemuel saw angels, but it wasn’t enough to change their hearts in the long term because they didn’t have the desire to change their hearts. God won’t compel us to do the right thing, because it doesn’t work, it can’t change our hearts.
At Eternity's Gate - Van Gogh
In my case, Heavenly Father waited to show me the evidence that He was there, only after I made great effort to follow the commandments and communicate with Him, because that is when I was truly ready to hear it. So, even if you’re in the midst of obstacles, obstacles that I know make it hard for me to pray, whether they are things that you don’t choose like depression, or serious doubts, or if it’s hard to want to get on your knees because you’re making mistakes you can’t seem to stop repeating, the very moment you choose to seek Heavenly Father, you’re taking a huge step in the right direction. The light will begin to seep in. At that moment, our attitude is one that’s ready to listen. Jesus in His own words said, “Come unto me.” He will “knock at the door”, but won’t “come in” until we’re ready to answer.
Heavenly Father will speak to those who approach Him with a sincere heart and real intent. He will speak to them through the scriptures, through others around us if they are truly inspired to do so, through dreams, visions, thoughts, and feelings. He will speak in a way that is personalized for you.
The process of seeking out our Savior will need to be repeated many, many times through our entire lives, not just once. We can continue to seek Him by praying, by repenting and seeking to erase our mistakes through the atonement, by expressing gratitude to Him, by searching the scriptures, by listening to the testimonies of living prophets and followers. Let Him know about the trials you are facing. Ask for support. That is hard because His support may not mean that your trial will end, it may be support so you can endure through it, instead.
Christ told us “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” This is very important advice to follow if we wish to become closer to the Savior, but I find, like most people that it is easier said than done.
President Uchtdorf explains:
“There are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.” This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious “experts” of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.”
How do we make sure that we are prioritizing the weightier matters, the commandments that Christ taught as the most important?
In Matthew chapter 22, a situation is described in which a lawyer asks Jesus which of all the commandments was the most important?
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
Love is at the center of everything Heaven Father and His son have done, and do for us, in all that they see for us, and He is asking that love also become the center of all that we do, as well. It should serve as our compass as we navigate through the question of how to follow the commandments, as we endure trials, and unexpected disappointments, as we navigate through our relationships with each other. At church it means that we should concern ourselves with discipleship and not simply attendance numbers. It means that we should be out serving in our community and giving to the poor rather than worrying about petty things. It means, and this is advice to myself: that we should be spending time with our children when they really need us to, instead of seeing them as a distraction for what we’d rather be doing.
Love is the great commandment. It can heal, it can unite, it is kind, patient. Martin Luther King, Jr. described it as a force that could drive away darkness and hate and the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. Love fuels happy families, friendship, tolerance, respect, civility, and humility. It is said that God is love. So what does this mean we should strive to become when He beckons us to be like Him?
God’s great love for you is reason he gave you the greatest gift He could give.
Jesus said: “Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:9-11)
Take advantage of the greatest gift ever given to you. The gap between where you are now and the potential Heavenly Father knows you have is narrowing every time you do a little better. Don’t give up. Pray and read the scriptures for guidance, and most importantly show love to God and our neighbors, by using love as our compass in our lives. This is how we can begin to understand what it means to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. This I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Young Woman and Girl Reading - by Jessie Willcox Smith
We all know why reading is so invaluable to a child's education, but how do we motivate them to read? There are many techniques available to teach a child how to read, but once that's done, how do you teach a child to love reading? Here are some techniques I've used with success with my kids:
1. To Be Continued...
I recommend a tip that was inspired by Hollywood: the "to be continued", or "cliffhanger" approach to reading aloud. Read exciting, engaging chapter books to your children, but make sure to stop your reading session at a point where it's exciting and they're anxious to know what will happen next. Close the book and tell them they'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happens.
Your kids may protest when you stop, but they'll be begging you to read and looking forward it with greater anticipation than they had before.
Also, make sure to leave the book in a conspicuous place once you're done reading for the day. You may see your children meandering over to the book and reading it on their own because they can't stand the suspense!
2. Turn on the Subtitles Take full advantage of any time they're watching TV or movies and turn the subtitles on, so that they have the opportunity to read during this normally more mindless past time.
Next, try a show where the characters have strong accents, so they'll be more reliant on reading if they want to follow along. Finally, watch movies in a foreign language with English subtitles. Now they'll HAVE to read if they want to know what's going on. Another advantage of subtitles: they'll be able to watch people pronounce words they are unfamiliar with. 3. Get Graphic Don't be afraid of comic books! The exciting illustrations in books like the The Adventures of Tintin, or Calvin and Hobbes lured my son into reading the stories inside. Just like any other genre, comics books have a range of quality and age-appropriateness, but well-written comics will introduce children not only to imaginative story lines, but also dynamic art, advanced vocabulary words, and will engage even the most reluctant readers.
4. Don't Always Answer Their Questions Kids love to ask questions we don't know the answer to. "Do spiders blink?", "What is the largest star discovered so far?", and "How much does a Narwhal weigh?", have all been asked in our house recently. I typically have to go to the internet to find the answers to questions like that, however, I don't just read the answer to my kids' questions anymore. I find a "kid-ppropriate" website that contains the answer and hand it over to them to read over and find the answer themselves. The curiosity that sparked their original question will provide more of a drive to read and find the answer than you might typically see. In my experience, doing this usually leads to more questions, more searching and more reading.
Also, great bonus lessons spring up during these Q&A sessions, such as how to safely search the internet for answers and how to differentiate between reputable sources and fluff websites. 5. Go Digital Some kids, like my oldest, LOVE electronics, and may be more motivated to read a story if it's on a kindle or ipad than in a traditional book. An added bonus is the on-board dictionary most of these devices have for kids to easily look up the definition of unknown words. Just beware of any games that might distract from readingon these devices.
This strategy can help beginner readers, too! Some early reading apps will pronounce unknown words for them when they touch the word, helping them build their sight word inventory. (Our kindergartener loves the Dr. Suess treasury for iPad.) Obviously, apps like this shouldn't substitute for reading with you, but should be used as a supplement. It's always nice to have a little help!
Have any other tried and true methods for motivating your kids to read? Please share them with us in the comments below!
So many talk about the need to protect out freedoms from over-reaching government institutions. However, overly powerful individuals don't solely come from monarchies, supreme court positions or dictatorships.
The following is from an Apostolic Circular issued by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve in 1875:
“One of the great evils with which our own nation is menaced at the present time is the wonderful growth of wealth in the hands of a comparatively few individuals. The very liberties for which our fathers contended so steadfastly and courageously, and which they bequeathed to us as a priceless legacy, are endangered by the monstrous power which this accumulation of wealth gives to a few individuals and a few powerful corporations.”
Taking the leap to homeschool your children can be an intimidating one! I've seen many, many homeschool-related forums flooded with questions from beginners wondering how they should get started, what the best curriculums are, or how to do it legally in their state, etc.
So, instead of answering these questions over and over again, I've written up an overview on everything I wish someone had told me when I first started. Enjoy!
“The most important advice I would probably give someone is to take the leap of faith and let the Spirit guide as Nephi did.
A
lot of people want to know exactly what they are doing before they
start, but the truth is that, just like when you are learning to play a
board game, you don’t really “get it” until you start to play.
With
homeschooling, Heavenly Father will tutor you in what your children
need, but it takes some trial and error and a lot of prayer.
You
need to be willing to let go of cultural and pre-conceived notions of
what an education is and research and decide for yourself what is most
important. It takes time to do all of this, but the rewards are well
worth the effort!”
— Karen
Kids spend less time waiting around. Most families spend about four to five hours per day homeschooling total. In contrast, by the time public school children are home with school and done with their homework, it’s almost bedtime.
Schoolwork can get done faster because of the low student-to-teacher ratio, and the absence of time-sucking rituals that larger classrooms require like: waiting on or for buses, car pick up lines, lining up for lunch or recess, changing classes or rooms, everyone taking books out, everyone putting books away, answering lots of unimportant questions, handing out papers, explaining what is expected, interruptions by phone calls, p.a. announcements, assemblies, testing and assessments. At home, things like testing are almost completely unnecessary at home because you will be well aware of what your child understands and what they need to keep working on.
More individualized Approach My son’s poor listening skills at school were really affecting his ability to learn. His teacher often complained that he monopolized her time and that he needed one-on-one attention that they couldn’t give to him. If he didn’t pay attention to a concept, the class would move on to the next level without him. Finally, I’ve been able to give him the individualized teaching he needs to help him learn what he needs to. Public schools class sizes have too high a teacher/student ratio for the teacher to give your child the kind of tailored education that homeschooling allows. The learning pace moves as fast or as slow each child needs. Gifted kids will experience less boredom, kids who need extra time won’t be left behind, and kids who need to wiggle aren’t as confined to sitting still.
Parenting is more enriching. When my son started kindergarten, I felt like my role as mother had been diminished greatly. He was only with me for a couple hours in the evening, and they were spent arguing about homework. Mornings were just a rush to get him out of the door on time. When he didn’t ride the bus I’d spend at least 2 hours a day driving and sitting in car lines, wishing we could be doing something more productive and enriching instead. Some children thrive in Kindergarten, but my my son only survived. I always asked him how school was that day, hoping for glimpses into the world he now spent the majority of his time in and he’d usually summarize his day like this: “I missed you and my brother all day.” Now, I feel like I’m more aware of his needs. No more guessing on what he’s learning and experiencing each day. They say that kids who do best in school are the ones with involved parents, and I am more aware of his specific academic and emotional needs are than ever.
You get to learn, too!I never knew much about ancient Mesopotamians or what the names of the bones in your ear were before I had to teach my sons. You’d be surprised how many gaps in your education you’ll get to fill, even in the early years.
Field Trips!- One of my family’s favorite aspects of homeschool! If we are learning about rivers, I can take my kids right down to the river bank to observe what we’ve learned. If there’s a temporary ancient Egyptian exhibit in the local museum, we can go whenever we want. In the last three years we’ve gone on a behind the scenes tour of the airport and restaurants, to the zoo, strawberry picking, a science museum, a civil war fort, civil war re-enactment, children’s museum, an aquarium, alpaca farm, dairy farm, gone on three different swamp tours with biologists, watched a live play and ballet, built motorized creations with legos at bricks-4-kids, held baby alligators, tracked turtles, studied swamp water at a lab, a circus, etc. (And those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.) These are some of our favorite memories and I just love watching my children’s faces as they discover new things!
Better Sleep Habits A survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that many kids and teens aren’t getting enough sleep, and one of the culprits was homework and late extracurricular activities. A study done by the Journal “Pediatrics”* found that adding even just 30 minutes of sleep helped youngsters have better impulse control and focus. Without early morning rushes and late night homework, children and even parents are more able to get the rest they need to do their very best.
*http://www.cleveland.com/healthfit/index.ssf/2013/01/sleep_adding_minutes_improves.html
Spending our cheeriest hours together I was dropping my son off during his cheeriest hours, when he was alert and happy, and picking him back up when he was cranky and burned out. Each evening was spent pushing him through homework, dinner, scouts, and then bedtime. Now, daylight is spent together: learning, talking and playing.
Kids have time for creative play and unique interests. Kids don’t have much time for their own unique interests when in public school. My nine-year-old can now dedicate time to learning computer programming and has also taught himself how to manipulate electric circuitry, while my six-year-old is learning Spanish.
Freedom and flexibilityWhen my husband was assigned to Savannah for a month long work assignment, we went right along with him without having to worry about pulling my oldest out of school. If family comes into town to visit, or we want to visit them, we don’t have to worry about them missing anything at school, either. Family vacations can also be cheaper because you can utilize off-season pricing of plane tickets and hotels. Zoos, children’s museums, libraries, parks, etc., are far less busy on weekdays as they are on weekends. If your husband works nights or swing shifts, you’ll have an easier time adapting family time to his schedule. Scheduling anything is eons easier—doctor’s appointments, piano lessons, vacations, etc.
Avoid bullying My oldest struggled socially in school, and his schoolmates were ruthless. In first grade he played alone on the playground everyday, and if anyone tried to play with him, he said that that child was threatened with ostracization as well. His anxiety was high and he often chewed through his shirts. His teacher was not helpful, and stated that there was no bullying going on in her classroom, despite not seeing what was going on on the playground. Now, he plays happily at our homeschool co-op and park days, he stopped chewing through his shirts and he’s smiling again. Bullying is much more rare at homeschool get-togethers because every child is there with his or her own parent. Any bad behavior can be addressed and corrected immediately. Our kids have plenty of time with friends, and while disagreements and spats between the kids arise, unhealthy teasing and bullying is not tolerated. It’s not about putting children in a “bubble”, schools want to stamp out bullying and negative peer pressure too, they simply don’t have the manpower to do it as effectively. Added bonus: By hanging out with the other homeschool moms, I get more weekly adult social time, too. That’s a win/win.
Kids learn helpful life skills and manners. Homeschooled kids are more likely to pick up skills like cooking, cleaning, finances, home repair, parenting skills, and time management from your daily routines if you take the time to make them into teaching moments.Kids forget to say “please” and “thank you”? Left their lunch mess on the table? Unless an adult catches it, bad manners at school are often left unaddressed. At home and at group functions, you can address problems right as they happen.
Impart the gospel and your morals About a third of homeschool families choose to do it because they want to make sure they integrate their religious or moral values into their children’s educations. Although, that wasn’t our prime motivation, it is still a freedom that we enjoy that it isn’t possible in a classroom full of families of differing beliefs. For example, we can start school with a prayer and devotional and I can incorporate any relevant gospel or moral topics into a subject when I feel so inspired.
Saving tax moneyAccording to the National Home Education Research Institute, “families engaged in home-based education are not dependent on public, tax-funded resources for their children’s education. The finances associated with their homeschooling likely represent over $24 billion that American taxpayers do not have to spend, annually, since these children are not in public schools.”*
*http://www.nheri.org/research/research-facts-on-homeschooling.html
Disclaimer: Not all of these are issues for every family. Certain circumstances and educational approaches may face less or different challenges than those listed.
Kids 24/7 There's no denying it — if you choose to homeschool, you're going to be with your kids most of the time. If you don't enjoy being together, it may be a problem. Trying to run errands, get visiting teaching done and get to your own medical appointments with all of your kids can also be a lot more tricky and time-consuming.
Stigma - Having to justify homeschooling to family and friends who oppose your decision to learn at home.
Not Seeing Progress- Dealing with times when it seems they don't seem to retain what you've already covered, or don't seem to be learning anything at all, is hard and frustrating.
Money - While many homeschooling parents juggle working part time, the teaching parent’s working potential is definitely diminished. You may also be spending more on your children's education than you're accustomed to. Costs for curriculums and supplies vary; some are fairly cheap, and some are quite pricey. On the upside, it's cheaper than private school but overall, most families probably spend more than they would if their child was in public school.
More pressure and stress on you - Their entire education and opportunities to socialize with other children now falls mainly on your shoulders, and this is a lot of pressure. In my experience, most homeschooling parents worry if they're doing enough, and it can sometimes spiral into anxiety. Tip: Avoid falling into the negative cycle of equating their progress and achievements with your self worth as a teacher and parent.
Less Time Learning outside of a school environment can consume a lot of mom or dad's time. Most folks visualize that time being spent at the kitchen table with textbooks and worksheets, but that’s not the case all of the time. Hands-on experiences and interesting activities are great as learning tools. However, planning, driving to, and participating in those activities (or waiting for them to be over) take your previously free time. Add this to any calling you hold in your ward, any job or business venture your part of and any other activities you prioritize and you’ll end up being very busy.
Finding good secular science resources- If you want to take a secular approach to science (ie. evolution, dinosaurs existing, the idea that Earth is millions of years old), know that that there are less options for you than if you want to teach from a “young Earth” point of view that many of the Christian-based curriculums teach from. Some say that there aren’t any strong secular candidates and many piece together a curriculum themselves.
Please note: The LDS church does not take an official stance on evolution. Past church leaders have fallen on both sides of the debate. however it's important to note that almost all major universities teach the theory of evolution, including BYU. This is a quote from a packet addressing the matter that my husband received while studying physiology at BYU:
“The position of the Church on the origin of man was published by the First Presidency in 1909 and stated again by a different First Presidency in 1925:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, basing its belief on divine revelation, ancient and modern, declares man to be the direct and lineal offspring of Deity.... Man is the child of God, formed in the divine image and endowed with divine attributes (see Appendix, "Doctrinal Expositions of the First Presidency").
The scriptures tell why man was created, but they do not tell how, though the Lord has promised that he will tell that when he comes again (D&C 101:32-33). In 1931, when there was intense discussion on the issue of organic evolution, the First Presidency of the Church, then consisting of Presidents Heber J. Grant, Anthony W. Ivins, and Charles W. Nibley, addressed all of the General Authorities of the Church on the matter, and concluded,
Upon the fundamental doctrines of the Church we are all agreed. Our mission is to bear the message of the restored gospel to the world. Leave geology, biology, archaeology, and anthropology, no one of which has to do with the salvation of the soul of mankind, to scientific research, while we magnify our calling in the realm of the Church....
Upon one thing we should all be able to agree, namely, that Presidents Joseph F. Smith, John R. Winder, and Anthon H. Lund were right when they said: "Adam is the primal parent of our race"
And from Gordon B. Hinckley:
“I remember when I was a college student there were great discussions on the question of organic evolution. I took classes in geology and biology and heard the whole story of Darwinism as it was then taught. I wondered about it. I thought much about it. But I did not let it throw me, for I read what the scriptures said about our origins and our relationship to God. Since then I have become acquainted with what to me is a far more important and wonderful kind of evolution. It is the evolution of men and women as the sons and daughters of God, and of our marvelous potential for growth as children of our Creator.” —President Gordon B. Hinckley
Complying with local legal regulations- Some states make it easier than others, but living in an area with a lot of regulations can make it more difficult.
More effort on your part for social opportunities and P.E. My home is not equipped with a playground full of 30 kids, a music room or a gymnasium. I have to seek out those opportunities. It’s nice that I also get to pick and choose the activities that will best motivate them to get moving; a football player doesn't have to learn to square dance, and my reluctant athlete can play tag instead. However, it still takes extra effort and time to make sure it happens.
Messy House - There are some that don’t struggle with this, but I’m going to be honest, my house is even messier than it used to be. Although my kids are now more involved with daily chores as homeschoolers, they’re still learning how to do them right. I don’t have as much time as I used to to keep up with it. Not to mention all the extra books, papers, science and art projects that are around now.
Consistency, organization AND flexibility are essential- Children flourish under structure and consistency. Even in an unschooling environment, these are essential to success. Yet, it’s something that almost every parent struggles with, definitely including myself. If we don’t have good self government over ourselves, it’s less likely that our children will learn this important life skill from us. Yet, homeschooling also requires flexibility. There will be interruptions, there will be times when you will need to change your game plan, and unexpected challenges. Finding the happy medium between structure, flexibility and consistency where learning seems to flourish is tricky, let the Spirit guide you. Tip: Use a program like “leech blocker” or “net nanny” to restrict your access to time-sucking websites during school hours.
Exclusion- This isn’t a problem for every family, but depending on your area, some may find a great homeschool group with enticing activities, resources and field trips that is only open to those who will sign a statement of faith*. Or you may encounter discussions like this. Take heart, there are lots of groups and options out there, you will find one that is good for you and your children. If not, start one!
*A document that exclusive homeschool groups require you to sign upon joining. Some groups bar anyone who won’t sign, while others will allow you to join, but you aren’t allowed to be a parent teacher. Most statements of faith are Evangelical Christian in nature and most require that you have a belief in: Jesus Christ’s atonement, the inerrancy of the bible, the trinity, etc.
Feeling Trapped - Some find that balancing homeschooling and their other obligations to be too much. Others find that their families are actually fighting more often than they used to because they don't get as many breaks away from each other. Still others may find that taking on the task of teaching a defiant, unfocused or special needs child is putting too much strain on their mental health. In these cases, they may feel that they are ready to put their children back in public school, but struggle with feelings of failure after having committed to homeschooling, and know that they will miss the positive aspects of homeschooling. Remember, that these feelings are unjustified if you come to that place. Everyone needs to do what's best for their family, even if that looks different from what your friends do, or what you envisioned. For some it means, experiencing different methods of educating their children at different times in their life. I don’t think homeschooling has to last until graduation to be successful.
Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers- It can be tricky to balance helping your eldest with long division, while trying to prevent your two year old from ransacking the kitchen. However, many, many families have this problem. There’s lots of good advice out there, here’s one article to get your started: http://balancingeverything.com/2011/09/09/homeschooling-with-babies-toddlers/
Q: There are so many choices it’s overwhelming! Where should I start?
People who are just starting sometimes log onto a homeschooling forum and ask:
“I just decided to start homeschooling. What should I do? What’s the best curriculum?”
These questions are hard to answer because they are asking for way too much information without giving anyone any clue about the needs of your family, your teaching style, your children’s learning style, etc.
Another common mistake:
Start by buying an expensive curriculum prior to having a good understanding of what might actually work for your children and yourself.
Where to start:
Step 1: Get legal - Check your local state regulations to make sure that you know and are following the law. (I talk more about this in the next question.)
Step 2: One popular homeschool website recommends spending two weeks working with and observing your child across all subjects while you consider your choices in terms of curriculum and programs. It is a good idea to start with a free or low cost option like borrowing textbooks from the library or purchasing new or used books, or a free website like Khan Academy. This will help you to start thinking in terms of how your child learns best and your teaching style. (Remember, each child within a family might benefit from a different method, or different combination of methods)
A webpage with list of free curriculums: http://homeschoolmosaics.com/homeschooling-for-free/
Step 3: Next find some local homeschooling groups and join them! Attend their activities and keep up with online discussions.
Step 4: Talk to other homeschooling parents about the curriculum they use and why they chose it. Most curriculum’s websites have lesson samples and other free materials that you can also explore with your child before buying anything.
This process is ongoing, even after you’ve made a decision on what approach you’re going to take. Many experienced homeschooling families will switch to another method or curriculum if they notice that their child needs a different approach.
I’m going to be covering some of the popular methods, curriculums as well as include a couple samples of what local parents are doing later on.
Q: How do I legally homeschool in my state?
Each state has different requirements. Some are really easy, like Oklahoma, and others have many requirements, like New York. HSLDA’s website is a good resource for this question. http://www.hslda.org/laws/
Q: How do homeschooled children do academically compared to kids in public school? Do they have trouble getting into college or getting jobs?
A small study compared test scores between otherwise comparable groups of: 1) public schooled children 2) structured homeschoolers, and 3) unstructured homeschoolers. Overall, the structured homeschooling group performed much better than the public school group: A grade level ahead in 5 out of 7 areas, almost half a year ahead in math, and slightly advanced in reading comprehension.) Unstructured homeschoolers performed a little worse than the public school kids did, though not by enough margin to rule out chance. Link: How Do Homeschoolers do in National Tests: Homeschooling gets high marks...when parents provide structured lessons.
Another study looked at the outcomes of adults who had been homeschooled. This is what they found: Aspects of the adult lives of wholly or partly home‐educated people who took part in a study carried out from 1982‐88 are examined. All those who attempted entry to further and higher education courses were successful in achieving this: there is no evidence of prejudice against the home‐educated. In the area of employment the same seems to be true; the importance of personality attributes gained through home‐based education is apparent. The socialisation of home‐educated students is often regarded as a problem by the uninvolved: the study shows that, on the contrary, home‐educated people may be much better prepared socially than some of their schooled peers. Link: How do homeschooled adults turn out: The Outcomes of Home‐based Education: employment and other issues.
Q: What about socialization? Will my kids be weird?
Many people imagine homeschoolers spending everyday at home doing schoolwork and only interacting with their immediate family, but that is not the case for most homeschool families. Homeschoolers can typically finish their schoolwork faster than their peers in public classrooms. This is because homeschooled students spend less time behind a desk, so they have more time to participate in activities outside the home like music, sports, dance, art, field trips and park days. So as long as you utilize the groups, classes and other social connection available to you, your child will have plenty
Socialization in homeschooling families works well because children have more opportunities to be socialized through the modeling of good social behavior by caring adults rather than through peers, who do not know much more than they do. Parents give their kids the skills they need to interact with other people and also have the chance to protect their children and teach them what is and isn’t an appropriate way to communicate and behave.
Homeschooling children also have the opportunity to join sports teams and go to events like prom. Many homeschool groups hold a yearly “Homeschool Prom”. There is a local group that has an athletic program specifically for the home-educating families of Augusta, Georgia. In many areas, public school services may still be at your disposal. Need speech therapy, the gifted program, or remedial academics? Homeschooled kids are often still eligible for all these services. Some homeschoolers come into public school daily for “specials” like art, music, PE, or the school play. Depending on your district, your kids may join high school sports teams once they are old enough.
Recommended Reading:
Most studies aiming to measure self-esteem in children show no significant difference in self-esteem between the overall population of homeschooled children and the overall population of children attending classroom school. Two different studies concluded that homeschooled children showed fewer behavior problems and higher maturity levels on average than their peers.
Q: What if we are military, and we PCS to a country where homeschooling is illegal or highly restricted (ie. Germany)
Military families outside the United States may homeschool even if homeschooling is not legal in the country in which they live. Many military bases have homeschool groups that can be very helpful in understanding the local requirements for homeschooling. Additionally, the facility will have a school liaison officer who can assist in understanding the ins and outs of homeschooling.
Q: A school teacher has gone through years of training to become a competent teacher, how can I, someone who doesn’t have a degree of any kind (or a degree unrelated to education) teach my children? What if my child wants to learn something I can’t teach?
First, what better teacher is there than someone who loves their child unconditionally as a parent does. Second, you aren’t left to your own devices: many curricula are written by teachers and professors, some in a scripted fashion. Many former teachers are among the ranks of homeschoolers I know and assure me that dedicated parents are up to the task.
You also have the option of supplementing with classes (local co-ops, online, video, support groups, community centers, colleges, etc.) taught by experts.
And when searching for teachers who can mentor your child in certain topics, don't forget about friends, acquaintances, and business people in your community - many are delighted to have a young person around who is sincerely interested in what they do and know.
Q: Is it possible to homeschool more than one child?
Yes, although some methods and curricula make it easier than others. Here’s some online guides to give you a better idea of what it’s like:
Q: Will I mess up my children forever by making the wrong decision?
No. Public school and homeschool are two good ways a responsible parent can use to ensure their children will get an education. The other thing to remember is that neither choice needs to be a permanent one. Many families homeschool for part of their children’s education and will re-enroll them in public or private school if/when it’s right for their family.
Q: What does homeschooling really look like on a day-to-day basis?
This is a difficult question to answer because days look different for different families who have unique needs, approaches and dynamics. However, I want you to imagine a scene where your children, all neatly dressed, chores done for the day, are sitting around your kitchen table with smiles on their faces, listening quietly to your lecture on grammar, while the baby sleeps peacefully in her crib. You never lose your temper, the house is clean and homemade whole wheat bread is baking in the oven.
Now, rip this scene to shreds, this will never happen! This is more realistic: Kids will complain and try to avoid doing school work and chores. There will be science and art projects filling counter space, dirty laundry, and days where you’re all still in your pajamas at noon. You might feed the baby while you try to explain adverbs to your 2nd grader (for what feels like the 200th time) and he’ll start complaining about how he’d rather play video games or go to the park.
However, there are moments like this, too:
Thank you post card to Mom for teaching him multiplication after a hard day.
The delight of discovery during an ecology field trip.
Working hard on nature studies.
Our Typical School Schedule
Our typical school day starts in the morning around 9am . We start off with a short devotional and then move on to math and spelling, their two least favorite subjects. It's nice to get them done in the morning while their attention span is a little longer. There will probably be complaining, and sometimes frustration if a concept is proving difficult. We try to do at least 45 minutes of math and 20 minutes on spelling everyday. Next, we may work on a short history or grammar lesson, or run off to homeschool P.E. at the gym, depending on the day. After that is "reading time". Fourty five minutes dedicated to everyone in the house picking up an age-level appropriate book and reading. The kindergartener grabs Bob Books to read with me to practice his sight words and sounding out skills.
Next we take an hour break for lunch. Although they are free do do what they want during that hour after they've eaten, video games and TV are not allowed til school is completely finished. After lunch we cover science and electives. During certain days of the week, we may be attending a park play date, or doing hands on projects at our weekly co-op group. Anytime we're in the car, we're listening to the audio version of their history textbook, or children's audiobooks.
Boxed Curriculum - A complete package of curriculum that includes study materials for all subjects for any given grade level. Most of these products offer traditional, scope-and-sequence courses of study that meet national curriculum standards.
Common Core (Common Core State Standards - CCSS) - A set of high quality academic expectations set by the US government in English-language arts (ELA) and mathematics that define the knowledge and skills all students should master by the end of each grade level in order to be on track for success in college and career. Many available curriculums are Common Core aligned.
Co-op (cooperative) - A collective group of homeschoolers working together for a common purpose. All members of the co-op must contribute in some way toward the end goal; usually this contribution is in the form of effort, not money.
Exclusive - Members of an exclusive homeschool group must agree to and sign statement of faith or equivalent.
Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) is a nonprofit advocacy organization established to defend and advance the constitutional right of parents to direct the education of their children and to protect family freedoms.
Inclusive - An organization is open to all homeschoolers, regardless of religion.
Lapbooking - An educational method that involves (usually younger) homeschoolers making "mini-books" about what they are learning. It provides space for drawings, writings, timelines, pictures, graphs, or stories on any topic of current study, and is designed to fit on a child's lap.
Mastery - With a mastery approach, students are helped to master each learning unit before proceeding to a more advanced learning task.
Portfolio - Homeschool portfolios are a form of student record keeping that documents educational progress. Homeschool portfolios illustrate what your child has learned, how it was accomplished, what resources were used and how much progress was made. Some parents use homeschool record keeping as a keepsake of their child’s progress.
Scope and Sequence - An outline of skills and information to be taught, typically organized by grade level or by course. Provides information on what will be covered.
Spiral - Spiral curriculum is an approach to education that introduces key concepts to students at a young age and covers these concepts repeatedly, with increasing degrees of complexity. Instead of focusing for relatively long periods of time on some narrow topic whose time has come, a spiral curriculum tries to expose students to a wide varies of ideas over and over again.
For example: a math curriculum that uses the spiral approach wouldn’t wait until students have mastered addition before touching on other mathematical concepts in a basic form. Algebraic ideas could be taught as early as kindergarten, and the curriculum will come back to touch on algebraic concepts in increasing levels of difficulty as time goes on.
Statement of Faith (SOF)- A document that exclusive homeschool groups require you to sign upon joining. Some groups bar anyone who won’t sign, while others will allow you to join, but you aren’t allowed to be a parent teacher. Most statements of faith are Evangelical Christian in nature and most require that you have a belief in: Jesus Christ’s atonement, the inerrancy of the bible, the trinity, etc.
Umbrella School - A home school association designed to assist parents who are home schooling their children by providing assistance fulfilling State educational requirements. These are not tax funded schools. Umbrella schools often provide report cards, keep attendance records, assist with curriculum, and provide student ID cards. Some states require homeschoolers to operate under an Umbrella School.
Virtual School- A virtual school can be public or private and student services and courses are done online. Curriculum and requirements are guided by the institution. Some of these are funded by tax dollars, others are funded by private tuition. There is usually no government regulation of virtual schools.
School at home or Common Core aligned
School-at-Home is the style most easy to imagine doing. Most families who follow the school-at-home approach purchase boxed curriculum that comes with textbooks, study schedules, grades and record keeping. Some families use the school-at-home approach, but make up their own lesson plans and find their own learning materials. The school-at-home family follows the schedule established by the curriculum they purchased. For help, school-at-home families contact their curriculum provider. Their children may also turn assignments into the curriculum provider for grading and evaluation.
The advantage of this style is that families know exactly what to teach and when to teach it and it is often aligned closely with what children in public school are learning. That can be a comfort when you are just starting out. The disadvantage is that this method is less flexible and more traditional than other methods. If you are using a public cyber school, you will also have to meet deadlines and requirements as set by the school. Further reading:http://www.corestandards.org/about-the-standards/myths-vs-facts/
Classical
The "Classical"approach has existed since the Middle Ages and has produced some of the greatest minds in history. The goal of the classical approach is to teach people how to learn for themselves.
The early years of school are spent learning the basics (reading, writing, math, grammar, etc.) and absorbing facts, systematically laying the foundations for advanced study. In the middle grades (the “Grammar Stage”), students learn to think through arguments. Compositions and collections, serious reading, study and research take place. All the tools come together in the high school years, or “rhetoric stage”, where they learn to express themselves. This classical pattern is called the "trivium”. The best resource for this method is a homeschooling guide called “The Well-Trained Mind”.
One mother wrote: “I believe that the classical approach is one that gives my child a complete education, one that teaches him/her to think and ask questions. I prefer my child be able to tell me why World War II took place, as opposed to telling me specific facts about World War II. I think this is the biggest difference between classical education and any other method or approach."
Charlotte Mason
The Charlotte Mason method is based on Charlotte’s firm belief that the child is a person and we must educate that whole person, not just his mind. So a Charlotte Mason education is three-pronged: in her words, “Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life.”
For example, Charlotte’s students used living books rather than dry textbooks. Living books are usually written in narrative or story form by one author who has a passion for his topic. Students were required to tell back, or narrate, in their own words what was read in the living book, in order to secure it in their minds. No fill-in-the-blank or multiple-choice for them. She taught handwriting and spelling by using passages from great books that communicate great ideas rather than using just a list of words. She encouraged spending time outdoors, interacting with God’s creation firsthand and learning the living ways of nature.She introduced the work of great artists and composers to her students and let them spend time with each, getting to know their works personally.
Popular books on this method include "A Charlotte Mason Education" and "More Charlotte Mason Education," both by Katherine Levison.
Unit Studies
A cross-curricular educational approach in which learning is focused around a central, common theme.
For instance, a unit study on trains would teach the development and use of early trains (history), train routes (geography),different engine types (science), train-based literature (language arts), train schedules (time and math), and so on. Unit studies allow children of different ages to study the same unit together but in different levels of detail.
Unschooling
Also known as natural, interest-led, and child-led learning. Unschoolers learn from everyday life experiences and do not use school schedules or formal lessons. Instead, unschooled children follow their interests and learn in much the same way as adults do-by pursuing an interest or curiosity. In the same way that children learn to walk and talk, unschooled children learn their math, science, reading and history. John Holt, school teacher and founder of the unschooling movement, told educators in his book, What Do I Do on Monday,
"We can see that there is no difference between living and learning, that living is learning, that it is impossible, and misleading, and harmful to think of them as being separate. We say to children, 'you come to school to learn.' We say to each other, (educators) 'our job in school is to teach children to learn.' But the children have been learning, all the time, for all of their lives before they met us. What is more, they are very likely to be much better at learning than most of us who plan to teach them something."
Waldorf/Steiner
Waldorf education is based on the work of Rudolf Steiner and stresses the importance of educating the whole childn- body, mind and spirit. In the early grades there is an emphasis on arts and crafts, music and movement, and nature. Older children are taught to develop self-awareness and how to reason things out for themselves. Children in a Waldorf homeschool do not use standard textbooks; instead the children create their own books. The Waldorf method also discourages the use of televisions and computers because they believe that computers are bad for the child's health and creativity. Books about the Waldorf method are available from the Rudolf Steiner Bookstore. Waldorf curriculum and support is available from Oak Meadow.
Montessori
The Montessori method emphasizes "errorless learning" where the children learn at their own pace and in that way develop their full potential. The Montessori homeschool emphasizes beauty and quality and avoids things that are confusing or cluttered. Wooden tools are preferred over plastic tools and learning materials are kept well organized and ready to use. For help, the Montesorri homeschooling family would turn to their library to read books about the Montessori method. They might also contact a Montessori school in their neighborhood for suggestions and guidance. The Montessori method also discourages televisions and computers, especially for younger children. Although Montessori materials are available for high school students, most homeschoolers use the Montessori method for younger children. Books and curriculum on the Montessori method are available from American Montessori Consulting (562-598-2321) http://www.amonco.org/
Eclectic
"Eclectic" homeschooling is the method used most frequently by homeschoolers. Basically, it means that they use a mix of methods; whatever works best for each child and each subject. Some may take a more formal approach for math and language arts, but a more child-lead method for subjects like science. Many eclectic homeschoolers use mornings for the "essential subjects" and afternoons for extracurriculars , hobbies and other projects. Some subjects may align with Common Core, while others are learned outside through tactile senses.
The advantage of the Eclectic method is that parents can make sure that foundational subjects are being covered in a formal way, while keeping some flexibility in other respects . This method also allows the family to choose textbooks, field trips and classes that fit their needs and interests. The disadvantage is that there are so many options to wade through that it’s hard to figure out what to use. It’s also makes some nervous not having a set schedule and not knowing whether their children are keeping up with others in their grade.
Thomas Jefferson Education (TJED or Leadership Education) - More common in LDS circles. Follows the methods as recommended in “A Thomas Jefferson Education” by Oliver DeMille. It is based on the Seven Keys of Great Teaching and the Phases of Learning. The "Seven Keys of Great Teaching" are Classics, not Textbooks; Mentors, not Professors; Inspire, not Require; Structure Time, not Content; Quality, not Conformity; Simplicity, not Complexity; and You, not Them.
Just a sample of some of the most commonly used resources available to homeschoolers online:
homeschoolreviews.com - A good place to find curriculum reviews from other homeschoolers.
LDS Homeschool facebook groups: A place to connect to other LDS homeschoolers, discuss, and learn about any LDS homeschool conferences and resources. 1) LDS Homeschool Connections - 2) LDS Homeschool
cathyduffyreviews.com - In depth reviews of curriculums from a very conservative evangelical Christian perspective. Tip: Take some reviews with a grain of salt because of the authors evangelical Christian approach. However it’s a good place to read about what kind of religious content a curriculum has as well as how much prep a curriculum requires of a parent.
secularhomeschool.com Provides information, resources, and a place to share and connect with secular homeschoolers across the world. Tip: Even if you don’t want to take a secular approach, it’s a good place to ask about what kind of religious content a curriculum has.
http://forums.welltrainedmind.com - Forums for homeschoolers who take a classical approach. (A good resource even if you aren’t a classical homeschooler.)
Khan Academy - We're a not-for-profit with the goal of changing education for the better by providing a free world-class education for anyone anywhere. khanacademy.org
youtube.com - There are too many specific videos to list, obviously. However I will mention that you can find almost all of the Bill Nye episodes there.
Free Rice is a non-profit that donates 10 grains of rice to the World Food Programme for every quiz question answered correctly.
http://freerice.com
All-in-one curriculums are far from the only choices you have, LOTS of families piece together their own curriculums using separate resources for each subject (including ours!), however there are far too many choices to list if I listed all the popular titles for each subject. The following is a list of the popular all-in-one, or boxed curriculums just to give you an overview of the options on this category. I'll go over a few of the the resources we use in the next section, and I asked a couple families to share their approach further down as well.
Please Note:Most Christian-based curriculums teach from an Evangelical, or sometimes Catholic world view. Pages often included bible verses that they find relevant. This world view shows up especially in science and history textbooks. Science is often taught from a young Earth and conservative creationist point of view. History texts may primarily focus on Christian history, may skip over or discount the creation of other religions, such as Islam and Mormonism.
Sonlight http://www.sonlight.com
Christian-based, all-in-one curriculum. They base their programs on the educational philosophy of Dr. Ruth Beechick—structured, yet allowing for maximum real-life learning. Influenced by Charlotte Mason’s ideas, they also wanted to include real books, but at the same time not create a program that required too much time and work from busy parents. http://www.sonlight.com/
Calvert
Calvert School is a lower and middle co-educational private school with a day school operation in Baltimore, Maryland and an associated homeschooling division that administers a curriculum shipped to families around the United States and the world. The Calvert homeschooling program was originally developed by Harvard graduate Virgil Hillyer, one of Calvert's earliest Head Masters. Pros: everything you need in one box, clear daily lesson plans, excellent math program and books. Takes a school-at-home approach. http://homeschool.calverteducation.com/
A Beka
Christian-based A Beka Book is a publisher affiliated with Pensacola Christian College that produces K-12 curriculum materials that are used by fundamentalist Christian schools and homeschooling families around the world. https://www.abeka.com/
K12
Full-time, tuition-free online public schooling available in many states. An accredited online private school available worldwide, full and part-time. Over 200 courses, including AP and world languages, for direct purchase. http://ww2.k12.com/mod/exp2/
Georgia Cyber Academy(Not in Georgia? Search the internet or ask for other K12 programs in your state)
The Georgia Cyber Academy is a tuition-free online public school that uses the K¹² curriculum, which is accessed via an online school as well as through more traditional methods. GCA loans students all instructional materials for the program. (Families will be responsible for providing some consumable materials.) Materials are delivered right to the family's doorstep—including books, CDs, and even bags of rocks and dirt. We also partner parents and students with a highly qualified, Georgia-certified teacher to guide and track their progress and achievement through the curriculum. There are frequent face-to-face meetings and events as well. Student-to-student interaction is emphasized, too, so GCA students are provided with a variety of opportunities for social activities and engagement. http://www.k12.com/gca#.U7vvTKiF9-M
Oak Meadow www.oakmeadow.com/
Oak Meadow offers an independent education that empowers students to live skillful, innovative, compassionate lives by engaging the intellect, cultivating creativity, and fostering curiosity. Our flexible, self-directed model empowers students to find their most inspired path to learning and to build connections between living, learning, and their community.
Apologia
Christian-based homeschooling curriculum and resources, and hosts online classes to help families learn, live, and defend the Christian faith. http://www.apologia.com/index.asp?proc=pg&pg=1
Latter-Day Learning http://latterdaylearning.org/
LDS based curriculum - Art, Music, Science, Geography, History, and literature - doesn’t include math or language arts.
Latter-day Learning’s mission matches the mission of the school which sponsors it—American Heritage School, in American Fork, Utah.
Independent review here:
http://www.lds-nha.org/the-sentinel/2014/4/6/latter-day-learning-family-school-review
Easy Peasy - All in One Homeschool http://allinonehomeschool.com/
Christian-based Easy Peasy is a free online homeschool curriculum for preschool through ninth grade, generously shared by a homeschooling mom named Lee Giles. More is added to the curriculum as she completes additional grade levels and gets the time to post lesson plans. It is intended to eventually be a college prep program covering all the way through high school. Methodology is an eclectic mix of traditional and "Charlotte Mason" with lapbooking and online resources.
My Father’s World (MFW) Christian-based, offers complete or almost complete grade level programs for preschool through grade 12. MFW embodies methodologies from unit study, Charlotte Mason, and classical approaches with a strong biblical base (Protestant) and missionary emphasis throughout all levels. http://www.mfwbooks.com/
Ambleside Online Ambleside Online curriculum is a free online curriculum which follows the educational philosophy of Charlotte Mason as outlined in her books "The Original Homeschooling Series.” The curriculum is designed for grades Pre K through 12th grade. The lesson plans and many of the books utilized in the curriculum are included within the Ambleside Online website. https://www.amblesideonline.org/
My oldest went to public school for Kindergarten and half of 1st grade. He did OK in Kindergarten, but after moving to a new school for first he began to have trouble. My husband was gone for a 5 month training and he was anxious from the change and the move and began to chew on his shirt collars. His teacher complained that he “monopolized her aid’s time” and that he needed too much one-on-one teaching. Kids in his class began to tease him because his shirts were damp from his anxious chewing and noticed that the teacher showed negative feelings towards him. The chewing worsened as he felt more and more ostracized, and he started chewing holes through his shirts.
Eventually a group of his classmates told him that none of them would play with him anymore, and that if anyone in the class tried to befriend him, that person would be excluded as well. He came home inconsolable. I didn’t know what was wrong at first, but once he stopped sobbing the first thing he said was that if he died no one in his class would care.
We would only be in the area for a few more months, so I decided to pull him out for the time being rather than try to work it out at school. Within one week of pulling him out, his chewing habit completely disappeared He started to smile and laugh again. The difference was so stark, I decided to try homeschooling longer term as well as try it out with our other son. Although my eldest’s change in demeanor was almost immediate, I wasn’t sure if his academic progress would be positively or negatively effected by homeschooling.
Time has passed and now that I have the results of his third grade standardized testing scores, I have a clearer picture of his progress:
My son's academic progress by percentile.
He remained above average in reading, and he still struggles with his listening skills, however it was fantastic to see how much of a difference a one-on-one attention and personalized approach made in every other area!
My curriculum picks:
Overall Guide: The Well-Trained Mind - A Guide to Classical Education at Home by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise
This is a fantastic resource even if you don’t want to use a classical approach. It was written by a teacher who pulled her kids out of school to homeschool them, and her daughter, a now grown university professor who now home schools her children as well. The main criticism I have is that I have yet to meet someone who can keep up with the daily schedule they suggest. So don’t expect to, either.
Grammar
First Language Lessons - Short (less than 15 min) lessons use scripted lessons to help you teach your child everything about proper grammar they need to know. Easy, no prep-work needed. (Written by the author of the Well-Trained Mind.) http://peacehillpress.com/grammar/
Art, Music & Poetry
Covered at our weekly Co-op meetings
Religion - LDS - Primary manuals from LDS.org
Brick of Mormon
Spanish- Duolingo ipad app Other curricula that lots of families use:
Rosetta Stone software
P.E. - A local gym offers a Homeschool P.E. class 3 times a week.
Science
Too many to list. I piece together my own science curriculum; I start with the most basic, most fundamental concept: atoms and the elements, and build on that foundation with things that are progressively more complex (ie. foundational topics: molecules, states of matter, simple machines. Complex topics: Ecosystems, cells, human body).
Pre-Reading
-Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (available on Amazon)
-Bob Books - Very short books with easy to sound out words for kids who are just learning to read. (available at Amazon, and sometimes at Costco)
History- Story of the World - (grades 1-4) World history told in a chronological, story book-like fashion by the author of “The Well-Trained Mind”.
We also use the MP3 audio version and the activity guide. http://peacehillpress.com/story-of-the-world/
Resources:
-This world history timeline. (This one is a good choice, too)
-Videos from history.com
Geography
-Stack the States app
-Stack the Countries app
“We just started last year, but we used Latter-day Learning, Saxon math, Code Academy, and a lot of library books. This year, we are adding Homeschool Programming, Studies Weekly, Story of the World and Discover the Scriptures. We are also adding a Latin program from PowerSpeak.”
— Tara
“ My favorite curriculum: http://latterdaylearning.org/the-family-school-lds-homeschool-curriculum/
I like it because it ties in gospel principles to everything you learn - so learning seems (and is) pertinent to your everyday life and not just something you have to do to pass a test. I also like that it allows for teaching all of the children at the same time and not having to separate into “grade level”
My kids have liked different math programs. Currently, my oldest is doing Saxon math - which I think is kind of repetitive and boring, but she likes it, and the other kids are doing Khan Academy (free online).
My favorite, indispensable books are:
Teach the Children: An Agency Approach to Education by Neil Flinders
A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Demille
Increase in Learning by David Bednar”
“You may be interested in the Hearthstone Plan website that follows an eclectic approach. There are several options for religion, history, science, math and language arts. Here’s a link to the religion page that shows several LDS options: http://www.hearthstoneplan.org/lds-resources”
— Tammy
“I really loved reading “So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling” as an easy intro to many of the different types of methods and various family dynamics/ reasons people chose to homeschool. ”
— Allison
“I am very eclectic. I pick and choose what works best for us and as I am led by the Spirit. We are entering the end of our homeschooling journey as we are going to be doing 12th grade this year. However, and this might be of some help to you, I actually am the publisher of a home and school website, where we take a magazine type of approach. Anyway, I did a post that I have pinned on the front page of the website about Homeschooling For Free. It has LOTS of resources and links to websites that offer FREE curriculum. Some of these are truly great and they can help you get your feet wet in homeschooling and not incur a lot of cost. It might be good to share with those who are interested.”
(Here is the direct link to that post: http://homeschoolmosaics.com/homeschooling-for-free/)”
— Brenda
“We take the TJEd classics approach, Story of the World, Math U See, Life of Fred, National Geographic magazine, and lots of imaginative play!”
— Catherine
“I use Sonlight for history/reading/read-alouds/language arts. I also use RightStart Math, All About Spelling, The Reading Lesson (for my youngest), Handwriting for a Reason, Explode the Code, and a variety of curriculum for grammar, science and art. I also love our Geography Songs CD and iPad apps like Stack the States. I also recommend Mark Kistler’s Draw Squad book (for older kids) as well as the Draw Write Now series. We read out of The Friend a lot and use Piano Marvel on the computer/keyboard to supplement piano lessons. I love the opportunity to mix and match resources to meet the needs of each of my children.”
Have any questions, comments, concerns or resources to add? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below. This took a lot of time and effort to put together so thanks for reading!
