Text from my sacrament meeting talk given on 11/29/15
We live in a world in which we will experience challenges to our faith. When doubts come, they bring feelings of darkness, confusion, loneliness and even despair. Some say that doubt is the opposite of faith. However, through my experiences, I’ve learned instead that doubt can be a catalyst to increase your faith if you choose. How is this possible?
As a few of you know, we have recently brought two beautiful pet birds into our home. They are fascinating animals, and it has been fun watching them fly around our house. Adrian once asked me how our birds are able to fly. I told him that we essentially live on the bottom of an “ocean of air” in Earth’s atmosphere, and all that air exerts a force that pushes down on everyone, called air pressure. The curvature of the tops of bird’s wings makes air travel faster over the top than the bottom. The difference in air speeds between the top and the bottom of the wings mean that the top of the wings is experiencing a lower air pressure than the bottom, too, so the greater air pressure from below pushes up on the birds wings. So, that same atmosphere that exerts air pressure and resistance also creates lift; they don’t work without each other. You’d think it was the opposite, but, in order for birds to fly, they need resistance. I believe it’s possible for faith and doubt to work together in a similar way. When the pressure and resistance of life push us down, we have a choice. We can stay on the ground and let them keep us down, or we can be like a bird and use them to push us heavenward.
When I was going through the most spiritual dark time in my life, some told me that I just needed to choose to believe. A few asked if I had done something wrong to bring about this darkness. Although well-meaning, these words frustrated me. I had not sought this darkness out. I wanted desperately to have the reassurance of a greater purpose that goes beyond this life and to know Heavenly Father was really there. However, I could no more believe in God and the gospel at that point, than I could simply choose to believe in fairy tales. There wasn’t a switch in my brain that I could flip to turn my faith and testimony "on".
However, eventually, I did come to discover how one could choose faith in a doable way. While I couldn’t choose sincere belief at that point, I could choose my actions. For example, I could choose to continue sincerely praying despite how I was feeling. I could choose to just have the desire to believe. I could choose to serve others within and without the church to fulfill my calling to my best ability. I could choose to fast and read my scriptures more frequently. I decided that I would put in my best effort, because I truly wanted to know the truth. Answers and clarity did not come right away. For me, the darkness persisted for awhile. However, one night I received my answer. Heavenly Father was really there, and He had communicated with me. He loved me. Looking back, I believe that the time I had to work and wait for this answer helped me appreciate the light more when it ultimately came.
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| Storm in the Mountains - Albert Bierstadt |
“I should tell you that I, too, have had periods of perplexity, uncertainty, and doubt; that I, too, have known the darkness, fogginess, and chill of the valley which lies between illuminated peaks of faith and confidence, and that only the memory of the hilltops along the road over which I have come, coupled with the somewhat misty vision of others still ahead, has given me the courage to plod on when I was tempted […] to wrap myself in the comfortless blanket of doubt and self-commiseration and just quit […] But this I can say positively, that each peak which I have climbed has seemed higher and more inspiring than the last, due at least in part, I think, to the dark background of the valley through which I came. Sharp contrasts are sometimes most revealing."Don't misunderstand, I am not saying that anyone should be purposely seeking out reasons to question any more than someone should seek out illness to better appreciate being healthy, these challenges seem to come enough on their own. I am saying that I've noticed that when I do become ill, that I am much more grateful for health when it returns. I appreciate the power that runs my home much more after a prolonged outage. How much more joyful is a reunion with those we love, than when there has been a difficult separation? I know that the answer I received during my darkest time, is the one that I treasure most, in part, because I was so grateful for it; it gleamed brighter in contrast to the darkness.
Remember to be patient with those you know who are struggling because trying to make faithful choices and actions were much, much more difficult and painful to do during the time when answers weren’t coming, and when I didn’t have much hope that a lot of what I was doing wasn’t in vain. So one may ask: If someone is already struggling, why make things harder on ourselves? Why not wait to do all these things until after the answers come?
While acts of faith are always important, they are especially so during times when our faith is challenged, as these times hold great potential for growth, and can reveal strength and strong character that we may not have even known we possessed. Revelation depends on the condition and intent of our hearts. We have to put the effort in first to receive answers, not the other way around.
Think of two students taking a test in two different classrooms with a similar dilemma. Imagine that they both have the opportunity to cheat by looking at over at the smartest student’s answers which are in clear view, but neither one does. The first student sees that the teacher is watching her and she knows she’d get caught, and thus doesn’t really contemplate the choice to cheat. The second student, however sees that her teacher left the room for a time. This student wrestles with the choice, but ultimately decides she won’t cheat because she she values honestly and had committed to getting through school on her own merits. Which student had the more difficult choice? Which student had the greater opportunity for growth?
This example illustrates why I believe we had to be separated from our Heavenly Father and experience mortality. Here, we “operate in the grey area between conviction and [doubt, and] are in a position to choose most meaningfully, and with most meaningful consequences.” “[We] act under […] conditions, which can allow us [to choose] who we are, what we most love, and what we most devoutly desire. Without constraint, without any form of mental compulsion, [our choices are] the freest possible projection of what resides in [our] hearts. [Great growth] occurs when we choose what we will [do], in that space of freedom that exists between knowing that a thing is, and knowing that a thing is not.” (Terryl L. Givens)
That separation between ourselves and God widens further during our mortal lives when spiritual challenges come our way.
“C. S. Lewis wrote that “sooner or later [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from [our] conscious experience, all [our] supports and incentives. He leaves [us] to stand up on [our] own legs. . . . It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that [we are] growing into the sort of creature He wants [us] to be.” This can be a wrenching process of spiritual abandonment such as Eve and Adam felt in their expulsion from God’s presence, or we all must have felt upon leaving of our premortal estate. Perhaps many of us will never find God by calling out His name at the entrance to the cave; we must enter [the darkness]” (Terryl L. Givens)
So what do we do when we find ourselves in spiritual darkness? How can we take action to let the light back in? Acting on faith during these times is the key to opening the door to personal revelation. There are five specific steps that can be taken:
1. Keep a sincere desire to know Heavenly Father’s will in your heart. Sincerity is key. Even if you can do no more than to want to want to know, that is a good place to start. This desire is very important. Remember that Laman and Lemuel saw an angel, but it did not convert them because they didn’t have that desire, they didn’t want their hearts to change. In a short time they went back to being violent and oppositional. Contrast this with Alma the Younger who also had an angel visit him. Yet, this is how he later describes his conversion:
“Behold, I testify unto you that I do know that these things whereof I have spoken are true. And how do ye suppose that I know of their surety ? Behold, I have fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself.”Although the heavenly visitation was an important part of his experience, he too ultimately had to make a choice to put in the work, to fast and pray, in order to gain a heartfelt conversion. Heavenly Father can’t make this choice for us, it is always in our hands.
2. Prayer. Just like Alma, we need to keep the communication lines open with Heavenly Father with sincere prayer and fasting. Perhaps even pray and fast more frequently than you have before. It may not come as quickly or in the format you desire, but the answer will come, don’t give up! Although it didn’t feel like it while I was waiting, looking back, the timing of my answers was right for me.
Again, Hugh B. Brown wrote:
“At times I have had to take myself in hand and command my knees to bend, my head to bow, my spirit to become contrite. But of this I bear witness, that I have beheld more distant vistas when on my knees than when standing upright. Somehow the bending of the knee has seemed to open the shutters of the soul and to bring the lens of faith into focus.3. Make reading and listening to the word of God a regular habit. Seek the words of Heavenly Father by increasing your study of the scriptures, and listening to inspired talks in General Conference and in our weekly meetings.
Many more before you and I have wondered if praying were not merely a soliloquy and its only answer the echo of its sound. On the other hand, however, prayer has been a vital principle–the central faith of millions of noble men and women. The fact that it has been an age-long rapture certainly attests its value–it endures. It’s faithfully recurrent like the sunrise. It’s not a private vagary nor is it mere wishful thinking or rationalizations. I have come through my own experiences with the conviction that prayer is comradeship with God; indeed, I doubt if I could have endured some recent experiences if I had not had that refuge.”
I’ve found that spiritual guidance sometimes come through these avenues. I received an answer to a prayer this way during a time when I struggled with a few passages in the Bible. I was prompted to read a section of a specific talk by Elder Richard G. Scott, in which he said:
“The scriptures give eloquent confirmation of how truth, consistently lived, opens the door to inspiration to know what to do and, where needed, to have personal capacities enhanced by divine power. The scriptures depict how an individual’s capacity to conquer difficulty, doubt, and seemingly insurmountable challenges is strengthened by the Lord in time of need. As you ponder such examples, there will come a quiet confirmation through the Holy Spirit that their experiences are true. You will come to know that similar help is available to you.”4. Take Action. Make service to others a priority within and without the church. Fulfill church duties: like visiting/home teaching, meeting attendance, and if you have a calling, do your best to accomplish what is needed of you. Pay your tithing. I know that these can be difficult things to accomplish, even when we are not struggling. So, I can’t tell you how much I admire those who make the courageous effort to come to church even when it is difficult for them to do so. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ see the sacrifices you make; He loves you. Christ knows and understands your feelings. Elder Holland taught:
“For [Christ’s] Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone. […] But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.” Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness, and despair. ”
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| Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane - Arkhip Kuindzhi |
5. Keep a journal of your spiritual experiences. When you receive answers and clarity make sure to record them in a special place.
Richard G. Scott wrote:
“When it is for the Lord’s purposes, He can bring anything to our remembrance. [However,] That should not weaken our determination to record impressions of the Spirit. Inspiration carefully recorded shows God that His communications are sacred to us. Recording will also enhance our ability to recall revelation. Such recording of direction of the Spirit should be protected from loss or intrusion by others.”When I waiver, I have found a lot of comfort reading through my journal where I keep my experiences. Alma once asked in a sermon: “And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?” I know I have found that it’s easy, sadly, to become complacent. Even those who have had undeniable spiritual experiences are likely to be faced with hard times again in the future. Keeping a record of our impressions of the spirit will help us remember the light more vividly when we need it.
It is hard enough to go through periods of darkness and doubt ourselves, but to watch a loved one do so can be even more difficult. As much as I would love to be sitting here in church with my dear husband every week, I know that I have to patiently wait for him to make that choice. This is not at all to say that I don’t love and admire him greatly. In the absence of his belief that a deity is watching him, his principled moral choices reveal his strong character and his good heart shines. Yet, my heart aches for him to have the hope that a greater purpose brings, to know that there is more beyond this life. But, we can’t choose faith for those we love. I imagine that Heavenly Father feels the same anxiety about us. He wants us to attain our potential and to come to Him, however he can't make our choices for us because it won’t work if it doesn’t come from within.
So, if you are watching a loved one struggle with their doubts, be patient with them. Pray for them and most of all, rather than lecture them, show them your love and continue with your faithful example. Take hope, and remember that doubt can be sanctifying and resistance is necessary in our flight back to our creator.
I want to thank so many of you who are examples to me, and I appreciate how much you help me keep the spiritual light bright in my life. I bear witness that if you are facing times of darkness, that Heavenly Father understands your struggles. And if you turn to Him, He will hear you, and comfort and answers will come. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
